In my search for a zen way of life I have decided to let go of some of my material things. This has always been difficult for me. Always! How do you let go of things that mean something to you? How do you just give it to someone who doesn't know you, who may not value it as much? It is hard. Then, I hit a roadblock. I wanted a little storage space, maybe a cabinet, to make my bathroom look pretty. My father promptly told me I had too many things. I like the way he made that comment. He has so many thing on his desk we are beginning to wonder if there is a desk under it all.

I've read all the literature on 1. things are just things, 2. throwing away sometihng of sentimental value doesn't mean you are letting go of the memories, 3. things don't decide your value. None of it appealed to me. Then I read something about gifting your things to friends, family, local libraries etc. Somehow the word 'gift' made all the difference. In my mind I knew who I could give what to.

Several of my friends and relatives have had children recently and I decided to give the kids my stuffed toys. The parents were just as happy as the kids to receive these gifts. We also came up with a plan, a Hand-Me-Over plan. When I have kids and my nieces and nephews outgrow the toys my kids get them.

I have given most of my books to the Sishya library. I have felt good about doing that because I know they will be valued and the kids will enjoy reading them. Infact one day when I took m second load of books to the library, one of the 11th std girls came to help me put it in order and "oohed" and "ahed" over the books. Then and there she sat down and started reading. I did, of course, keep some of the unusual books that are difficult to find now. These are only a handful but I'm keeping them. As I went through my book cupboard I found some books I didn't realise I had and had to go through it to see if was really mine. One book I didn't recognise turned out to be one of my textbooks from high school; I found little notes I had made in different chapters. I found that other people had decided to stuff their books into my cupboard. I don't know why!

I did hit a few speedbreakers. People had suggestions on what books I should keep like Famous Five and Secret Seven. I told them that that was got me into trouble in the first place. People asked me if I was sure. I suddenly felt myself wavering. I wanted to take my things back and store it again. But I persevered. I am almost at the end of my gifting spree.

I feel good about this because:

1. I have more space. If I didn't have space here in my parents' house what would have happened when I had to move to another house and there was no place there. Atleast now I don't have to worry about my father putting my things in cardboard boxes and being unable to find anything. This is the same father who has a very odd filing system.

2. I know my things are being put to good use and are being valued.

3. I have given the things that I love to people I love.

My friend Nisha felt that one of the ways to ease the pain of letting go was to send me a photograph. I gave her daughter my brown and pink (one of my favorite colour combinations) to her daughter. She took a photograph of her daughter with my rabbit (I don't think I can call it that anymore.). That very simple gesture touched me. I will put it up on my blog. Thanks Nish for being so thoughtful!

So this is the joy of de-cluttering! And somehow I find it easier to give away clothes! :)

Why is it difficult for us to follow rules? Everyone from an adult to a child is unruly. Adults sometimes do not follow rules and they think its ok. Is it ok to send mixed messages-the message of do as I say not as I do? Little do we realise that our future citizens are watching us; and may replicate our moves. Life is not like a movie or an ad film with a little warning, in small print at the bottom of the screen, " These stunts are performed by experts and should not be imitated."

Here's my list of some of the rules we break:

1. Driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Not just that sometimes kids want to go for a joy ride in their parents' fancy cars. Without a license, drunk and all ready to show off, their parents encourage them to take the car with their friends in it. The car crashes, someone gets killed and the kids are shipped off to different parts of the world so that they don't go to jail. A perfectly good car is ruined not to mention the families of the kids involved.

2. Punctuality. From the time we are in school we are taught to be punctual and disciplined. However for social engagements why bother to be on time. Its good to be fashionably late. Aishwarya Rai was for some promotional event. Surprise! surprise! Everyone waited for her to arrive. If you look at your tickets for a theatre performance or concert they do say that everyone must be seated by a certain time. Usually people are not allowed to enter the hall once the program has started. I was watching a movie today in which the hero arrives late for a play. He tries explaining why he was late and that his girlfriend is the lead and that she had asked him to come. The usher points to a sign on the door which says that no one can go in after the play has begun and adds that "it affects the illusion." I have been for two performances by choreographer Jeffrey Vardon and each time it has started late. Each time, he offered his apologies to the audience saying that the reason they were starting late was because they were waiting for audience members who had not arrived and were stuck in traffic. Very thoughful of him; but what about the rest of us who did make it on time?

3. Stopping at a red light. This is one I have issues with. If we stop too long at a red light we lose patience. We could blame the weather-the sun is bright and hot or it is raining. Who cares, really? A red light is a red light and it means stop. There are two traffic lights near my house that are hazards and everyday the same things happen. If there are no cars coming from the side that has the green light, it is free for all for the others. Then there is a desperate struggle not to get hit and not to hit another vehicle.

4. When you are in bumper to bumper traffic, ease off the accelerator. Also if you hit the car in front of you, it is your fault. The vehicle at the back is always to blame. They stopped. You should have been more vigilant and alert. It is so easy to turn around and abuse the person you hit because you drive like a donkey and probably bribed someone to get your license. Also you do have the idiots who put their entire family of 5 on their bikes; those who weave in and out of traffic without looking. Kids showing off how fast their bikes can go as they race down the road on a sunday.

5. Cutting the queue. It happens everyday. You see a group of people in line join the end of the line. Don't try and cut in. We are not standing in line waiting for christmas. There are some cashiers and servers who ignore those who cut the line and serve those who were waiting. I do admire that.

I went for "Transformers-Revenge of.....whatever" and it was really bad. So bad, that I can't even remember the name of the movie. I went for it because I liked the first part and I'm a huge fan of the franchise. But I was disappointed by this movie. There was no storyline, no acting! Just a whole lot of noise!
What made things worse was that I forced a friend of mine, who is not an action movie fan to come for the movie. I didn't take no for an answer. Very sweetly, or maybe just to get me to shut up she said yes. As soon as the movie started I felt the pangs of guilt come upon me. I began apologising. I was ready to walk out of the movie about 20 minutes after we sat down. We did walk out towards thend. I had the entire theatre follow me out. That was fun! It was like as if they were waiting for someone to make the first move.

I don't know what I was trying to gain from making her come for the movie. A different perspective, maybe, for her? What I did gain was a shift in perspective for me. If someone doesn't want to do something it's their perogative. Their choice. It might not fit in with my plans or expectations but that is my problem not someone else's. It also made me realise that this is a bad habit I need to change.

So I have a plan; I'm working on compassion. As the Dalai Lama said, "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." Simply put, compassion is a form of kindness. Realising that other people are just as important as we think we are. It is important to respect their feelings and thoughts.