How do we help people around us deal with grief, especially when they are dealing with the loss of a loved one who died gruesomely? Do we offer them comfort by imagining how they feel, letting them know that they are "allowed to be angry" and are "welcome to use us as punching bags and to feel free to call anytime and take your anger out on me"? Or do we invite them to party with us after giving them a few weeks to grieve? Life goes on, after all. When did it become appropriate for us to make someone else's loss all about us?
It is easy to forget that another person is in pain when we are thinking about ourselves. It is selfish. Sometimes you have to really listen to the grieving person because they will tell you what they need-peace and quiet, time with family and trusted close friends. You may not have a place on that list and that is difficult to accept. Why not get off the sympathy wagon and offer empathy instead? stop trying to imagine what they have gone through. Imagination is powerful, yet, misleading.

"I believe all suffering is caused by ignorance.People inflict pain on others in the selfish pursuit of their happiness or satisfaction."

-Dalai Lama